


Preserve and Re-new

by Hannibalsapron



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 10:19:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5493671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hannibalsapron/pseuds/Hannibalsapron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“In all honesty, Phil was the heart breaker, not Dan. Dan was the preserver.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Preserve and Re-new

In all honesty, Phil was the heart breaker, not Dan. Dan was the preserver.

  
It was a greasy Sunday morning when Dan’s assumptions and jabs at the torn fabrics of their relationship made sense. He had tried to patch it up with all he had and he tried so hard to make things right where they clearly weren’t and he finally realizes as he sew up the broken seams, Phil tore it apart from the other side. And so, why, Dan would wonder to himself why he didn’t ring Phil up and demand some sort of explanation of viral pictures of Phil with another girl looking even friendlier than they did nowadays.

  
Maybe it was sentiment, Dan would decide, eyes hovering above a dusty vent pouring out heat that never could really reach into his fingers. Phil was his first everything, he was his first confidante, his first best friend and his first boyfriend. Boyfriend. It was weird rolling the word onto his parched tongue, knowing what it was supposed to entail. It was two simple things, really. Love and loyalty.

  
And the photo frame which leaned against his table propped against an imitation of perfection, just seemed to be a daunting reminder that his boyfriend was a cheater. A cheater. Why? Plenty why. Plenty reasons, he would mean. But he has no time for self-pity when Phil comes back home from wherever he was when he wasn’t with Dan.  
He knew how Phil was, he was fickle whilst Dan was grounded, clinging tight to one opportunity only to let dozens of others fly by whilst claiming they did not exist. He knew Phil grasped tightly on the concept of abandonment, after all he was all false sweetest alluding to a manic mind. He hated more of how instead of shattering a moment’s smile draped behind hard pressed glass, he had picked up to stare at Phil. He squinted hard, trying to find as to why he loved someone who lied and threw him so much. And he scanned all of Phil’s imperfection, placing it in his own judgmental weighing scale, it was heavy alright. A cheater was ridden with disgusting acts and infidelity but Phil was still happy during that time.

  
Dan would like to believe he was.

  
He thumbs over Phil’s face as if he’s a ghost, and in a way he was. This Phil, though the same and never changed, was different in a light of ignorance in his part. Oh, where did they go wrong? The beginning? Most likely-

  
Dan jumps at the sudden ring of his phone and as he glances at the collar ID. He freezes and the situation becomes real again. Because Phil was never part of reality, he was all part of Dan’s fantasy which in no means was perfect, but it was better than this.

  
“Hello?”

  
“Hey Dan, just calling to say I’m about to come home in about..5 minutes. But I can’t stay long, got other plans to catch up.”

  
Dan wanted to punch his phone as the bubbly words with no edge murmured against his ear, but he had to remember that his phone was pretty damn expensive.  
“We had dinner plans.”

  
“I know, I know.” Phil rambles and Dan wants to scream back that he knew as well. That he knew what Phil was doing outside their apartment door. He knew. “But I promise I will cook an extra meal for you tomorrow, promise! Oh hey, look I’m here.”

  
Dan could hear shuffling from outside their door before a jingle of keys and Phil waddles inside. He looked so fucking cute. That fucking cheater.

  
“Hey, got some of your cereal and these really interest Bohemian cactus plants which were at sale in Target!” Phil calls out from their kitchen.

  
Dan takes one last look at the photo frame of Phil and him the night after the fire brigade was called as Phil attempted to set up a mini bonfire for laughs. It was pretty horrible, but by the end of it, Dan was not on fire, so it was alright. And if they’re relationship were to be summed up, this would be it. Ablaze.

  
He chucked it under his bed and stormed up to Phil, more like padded, because no matter what, he always felt kind of bad for scaring Phil.

  
“Don’t you think it looks lovely?” Phil coos, placing the cactus on their window ledge.

“Sure.” Dan clears his throat, causing Phil to turn.

  
“Is there something wrong?"

  
“Not exactly.”

  
“Well then, I have to get going though. I already loaded our cupboards and fridges.”

  
“Phil-“ Dan begins and Phil cuts him off with a chaste kiss which felt like everything Dan ever wanted and everything that he hated.

  
“You tell me some other time though, I really got to rush, bus leaves in a few minutes.”

  
“It’s important.”

  
“Yeah?” Phil hums, picking up a warm sweater Dan had given him for Christmas.

  
Phil turns and Dan feels a bit of a blood rush as he stares at how cozy Phil looks. And then he switches and sees him without his smile but within his actions and Phil, no matter what, was a horrible person. He broke everything that they had to fulfill his selfish thoughts and wants and he hated him. He hated him. He hated him…He wanted to hate him…

“Never mind.”

  
Phil waves off with a smile which made tears prickle in his eyes as the door locked behind him. He couldn’t. He couldn’t let Phil go like that, and he knew Phil would go and he would be left with himself.

  
Dan retreats back into their room and bends down under their bed to retrieve the disheveled looking photo frame. It was clear that this wasn’t the first time, but Dan picks it up and wipes it clean, assuring that it was brand new.

  
Then he logs onto Facebook and unfollows all of Phil’s friends, starting with the one that posted the picture of betrayal. Dan coughs into his hoodie and presses his face against the ventilator.

Because in all honesty, Phil was the heart breaker, not Dan. Dan was the preserver.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted on tumblr and fanfic.net but I want to move most of my fics here too and I hope you guys enjoyed!


End file.
